


Convention Shenanigans

by Kereea



Series: Perry the Evil-Adjacent Boyfriend [10]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Comedy, Conventions, Gen, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 18:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17371286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: Heinz and Perry take their kids to the local FanCon, while Peter and Mystery try to figure out why the evil duo didn’t consider this a day off. What evil have they planned for the convention? And why, oh why, did Major Monogram make them bring Agent Pinky along?





	Convention Shenanigans

 “We’re here, we’re here!” Phineas said as they walked through the doors. “I can’t wait!”

 “Everyone’s ready, then?” Heinz checked.

 “Yeah. Thanks for the inator, Dr. D,” Candace said.

 “I’ll need it back after the convention, but it’ll be nice to have it tested outside of the lair,” Heinz said.

 “Yup,” Candace said, taking the Instant Dressing-Roominator and setting off with her duffel.

 “Can’t she just change in the bathroom like a normal person who doesn’t come in their costume?” Vanessa asked. The only addition to her usual outfit was a pair of goggles holding back her hair, instantly turning her into every goth steampunk heroine ever.

 “Shame is a strong warrior, sweetie. Let Candace deal with it her way,” Heinz advised. “So, what are your plans?”

 “There’s some great clothing workshops here. It’s going to be sweet,” Vanessa said. “I think I’ll take the boys to meet that Clive Addison guy first, though. I liked his work in the _Grievance_ series.”

 Phineas bounced with excitement, “I know, he’s so cool! I can’t believe he’s here!”

 Ferb agreed, thrusting his autograph book into the air with a grin.

 Perry ruffle the boys’ hair and told them to have fun.

 “You guys will be around?” Vanessa checked.

 “We have our phones if you need us. Maybe we’ll see if there’s any good present ideas in the vendors hall…” Heinz mused.

 Ferb handed over a list of fan-artists he liked who had booths.

 “Thanks, kiddo,” Heinz said, Perry accepting a similar list from Phineas. “Well, get going and have fun!”

.o.o.o.

 “I’m confused. The inator alarm went off, but it looks like Doof and Fletcher are just at a convention with their kids?” Mystery asked.

 Peter nodded as they entered the lair, only to stop in shock at the sight of a thin young man in a fedora waiting for them. The young man waved as Monogram appeared on the screen.

 “Who is this kid?” Mystery asked.

 “Hi, I’m Agent Pinky the Chihuahua,” the teen said, tipping his hat.

 Mystery and Peter blinked. The lack of alliteration was unusual.

 “Agent Pinky was the son of the very decorated Agents Joshua the Jackalope and Penelope the Piranha,” Carl explained, leaning on screen. “He’s, uh, kind of been with us longer than usual.”

 Peter checked to make sure Pinky wasn’t a minor.

 “Turn twenty in a month, my dudes,” Pinky said.

 “I am not your dude,” Mystery huffed. “Monogram, this is ridiculous! I am specifically working with Peter to get revenge on Doofenshmirtz. If you want to give Peter a different partner for one mission that’s fine, I won’t consider it revenge worthy because I understand some things need specialists, but I never said anything about _me_ working with other agents!”

 “Agent Pinky is our special secret weapon against Doofenshmirtz and Fletcher,” Monogram said.

 Peter and Mystery both sized up the skinny teen.

 Peter asked if Fletcher was just against punching teenagers or something.

 “You’ll see if you need to use his skills,” Monogram said. “No, get to your mission!”

 “…Which is?” Mystery asked.

 “Stop Doof. The usual,” Monogram said before the screen went black.

 Mystery glared at Pinky, “You’re riding in the back seat.”

.o.o.o.

 They had to park a little ways away from the center, to more grumbling from Mystery. Pinky vanished for a little bit, claiming he had to make a civilian check-in, which made Mystery tease him about being a kid.

 Peter and Mystery walked the halls, blending in as just people in costume as a masked guy and “Bond circa the 1930s” according to what at least four people had guessed of Peter.

 “Do you even like Bond?” Mystery asked Peter as Pinky rejoined them.

 Peter shook his head, claiming Bond slept around too much for his liking.

 “Urgh, yeah, dude has a new girl every movie. Sometimes more. It’s like, _dude_ ,” Pinky said.

 “…Yes,” Mystery said. “All checked in, kiddo?”

 “Ha-ha, and yes,” Pinky said. “Incidentally, here’s some flyers from free Fireside Girl muffins if you get hungry.”

 Peter thanked him.

 “There they are! Hide!” Mystery said, spotting Perry and Heinz exiting an unmarked room.

 The two agents and villain ducked behind some signs advertising various panels at the convention.

 “What’s that room?” Pinky wondered.

 “Maybe it’s storage?” Mystery suggested. “Darn. They’re not moving…”

 Peter suggested creating a diversion.

 “Like what? They’ll know we’re here then!” Mystery argued.

 “Chill, dudes. I’ve got the distraction covered,” Agent Pinky said as he took off his fedora, quickly fixing the hat hair it had inflicted on his sandy curls. “Just stay hidden til I have their attention.”

 “O…kay?” Mystery said as Peter shrugged.

  Pinky walked out from behind the pillar and to Peter and Mystery’s horror made a beeline for Heinz and Perry.

 “Hi Mr. Fletcher! Hi Doc!” Pinky said cheerfully.

 Perry grinned and waved.

 “Oh, you’re Isabella’s cousin, right? Is she here too?” Heinz asked.

 “Yeah, the Fireside Girls have a muffin booth on the floor. So, what’cha doin’?” Pinky asked.

 “Oh, wow, he does that too,” Heinz said to Perry. “Eh, not much. We’re really just scoping the place—I mean, uh, being around if the kids _need_ us.”

 “Oh. Cool, cool,” Pinky said.

 Meanwhile, Peter and Mystery watched in shock from behind the pillar.

 “So…that’s how he’s a secret weapon,” Mystery said. “Huh.”

 Peter jokingly signed that he was onboard, covertness for the win.

 “Mind if I walk with you guys for a bit? I need a break from watching my lil’ cousin flex her salesgirl muscles on the masses,” Pinky said.

 “She is _terrifyingly_ good at it,” Heinz agreed as Perry gave a thumbs up. “So, it’s Pinky, right? She named the dog after you?”

 “Got it in one, dude,” Pinky said as he casually steered Heinz and Perry away from the room they’d been inside.

 Peter passed Mystery a note saying that Pinky was _good_ as Mystery made sure no one else would see them go in. They darted into the room.

 “Huh. Looks like it’s just the center’s main equipment storage room…” Mystery mused. “Well. Let’s get to it.”

 There were a lot of large electronics in the room, and with nothing being an obvious inator it took Mystery and Peter a while just to narrow their search. By then Pinky, his fedora returned, managed to slip back inside.

 “Thanks for the distraction,” Mystery said.

 Peter asked if it was weird for Pinky, knowing Heinz and Perry in civilian life.

  “Eh, it’s not that weird,” Pinky said. “I don’t really think they’re serious evil, or anything, like, like Rodney or Sir Sivanna or whatever. Perry’s got a pretty firm moral compass. So, like, I’m not worried about ‘Bella being around them or whatever. Plus, if they’re distracted with the kids and such, they’re not doing evil!”

 “You have a point. They didn’t want to ruin the kids’ day, so they just cased the joint for later, maybe did something in here,” Mystery mused. “It is nice getting revenge on guys with such an easy weakness.”

 “Revenge?” Pinky asked, startled.

 Peter waved it off. He asked if Pinky had a nemesis.

 “Eh, sorta. They have me against Professor Poofenplotz. She’s kind of like Dr. D, but way less prolific. Gives me time for my schoolwork and helping out at the restaurant,” Pinky said. “Also, she sometimes thinks her plans through even less than Dr. D does. Probably because she doesn’t have a Mr. Fletcher steering her away from serious ridiculousness. She thought eating enough royal jelly would turn her into a human-bee hybrid that would rule the city.”

 Peter jaw dropped. He patted Pinky on the shoulder consolingly.

 “Hmm…looks like this is just remote control of the sound system and such,” Mystery mused. “It’d definitely not a full inator, probably just setup for whatever their post-convention plan is…”

 “Yeah, doesn’t Dr. D put self-destruct buttons on his real inators?” Pinky asked.

 “Eh. Usually. It’s a thing for him,” Mystery said. “Well, we can get rid of this and put it in a file or whatever that it’s somehow part of a future plan.”

 Peter noted that it was unusual for Heinz to plan this far ahead, and that he was going to check the upcoming events on the center’s site to see what could actually get Heinz doing this much advance work.

 “Uh-huh. You do that,” Mystery said. “Pinky, hold these.”

 Pinky took the disconnected wires. “What’cha doin’ now?”

 “Mostly looking for small bugs. You never know,” Mystery said. “I became very proficient at this in West Evil U. Tons of my classmates kept trying to catch me without my mask. Idiots.”

 Peter snapped his fingers to get their attention, showing them his phone. Roger Doofenshmirtz was hosting some important executives at a convention next week, something about job growth in the local area.

 “Huh. So, just your usual mayoral ‘put jobs in my city’ sort of stuff? And Dr. Doofenshmirtz wants to mess with his brother? That’s normal enough,” Pinky said.

 “Eh, as a Seattle native I say let him. Screw politicians groveling for CEOs,” Mystery said. “Okay, but seriously, I’m still trying to figure out what he’s going to do with remote control of the stuff I’m digging in. What, turn out the lights? Cut a mic?”

 “Maybe it’s setup for a musical number,” Pinky said.

 “…I _hate_ how that’s a legitimate option,” Mystery said, scowling.

 Peter shook his head. Heinz usually saved his musical numbers for explaining things to agents, he never made them big and public. To be fair, the guy didn’t exactly have the best singing voice and was likely aware of that. It would be very odd for Heinz to change things, especially since he typically was more focused for Roger-related schemes.

“Well, maybe he was just uninspired and wanted to mess with a ton of little things?” Pinky guessed. “I mean, with how much stuff he does, I could see him getting Evil Scientists’ Block, or-”

 The door opened. Pinky dove under a desk.

 “Ah, Professor Mystery and Peter the Panda! I should have known!” Heinz chuckled as he and Perry entered the room. “I see you have found my This Machine Is Mine Nowinator!”

 Peter asked if he could hear that name repeated.

 “Th-this _Machine_ Is _Mine_ Nowinator. I take control, remote control, of a machine. It’s, it’s like when your computer gets hacked, but for more than computers,” Heinz explained as Perry shut the door behind them and started sizing Peter and Mystery up.

 “Oh. Well…okay,” Mystery said. “Kind of weird to leave an inator just lying around, I mean, anything could happen to it…”

 “Yeah, but it was easier to put it in now, lower security for this convention than the next one and all,” Heinz said. “So, you have decided to try and thwart me, have you?”

 Peter rolled his eyes and signed that _no_ , they’d just gotten lost on the way to the restroom.

 “Your sarcasm is uncalled for, Peter the Panda,” Heinz said.

 “You’re in trouble, Doofenshmirtz. You don’t want to get into a fight here,” Mystery said. “We can risk getting thrown out of the convention. _You_ can’t.”

 Heinz gasped dramatically, “You’re using our parental responsibilities against us? You are still truly evil, no matter what some people think!”

 “Of course I—wait, _what_ people are saying I’m not evil? Who? I’ll _destroy_ them!” Mystery shouted.

 Peter groaned. Here they went again.

 “Um, excuse me?”

 Peter and Mystery turned into surprise to see Pinky, sans fedora once more, peeking out from under the desk.

 “Um, I kinda hid in here when the first dudes came in and, um, maybe I should…go?” Pinky said weakly.

 “Oh, Pinky, how did you get mixed up in this?” Heinz said as Perry pushed Peter aside to help the seemingly-shaky Pinky to his feet.

 “Got lost, there’s not enough signs around here,” Pinky said. “Um…so you guys having an independent inventor’s fight or something?”

 Peter fought the urge to gape as Heinz and Perry fussed over Pinky. The kid was _good_.

 “Come on, Pinky, I think we’re all done here,” Heinz said, making shooing motions at Peter and Mystery as Perry led Pinky to the door. “You’ll have to figure out my plans for _yourselves_ , gentlemen!”

 After Perry, Pinky, and Heinz left, Mystery started laughing. “He’s _good_ at this whole secret weapon thing!”

.o.o.o.

 “So, you, you didn’t hear those guys say anything…I don’t know, _interesting_ as they were trying to figure things out in there?” Heinz asked as they walked the floor with Pinky.

 Pinky tapped his chin, “Well, the masked dude said something about looking for bugs. And something about a self-destruct? Yeah, something about there not being one. Weird, huh?”

 “Totally,” Heinz said with a nervous laugh. “Want us to drop you back by the Fireside Girls’ booth?”

 “Nah. I can make my way from here. Thanks, dudes,” Pinky said, setting off.

 “He’s a sweet kid,” Heinz said. “Hope Peter and Mystery didn’t scare him too much.”

 Perry suggested they go and find the kids, only for the both of them to stop in shock at what appeared to be a battle starting on the main floor.

 “Huh. I did not know fan wars involved real life battles. In my day it was just yelling at each other on forums,” Heinz said.

 Perry noted Heinz still yelled at people on forums over his fandoms.

 “So do you!” Heinz said as both sides started marching. “You _really_ went off on people after the season six finale of-”

 A giant monster appeared on the floor.

 “…Okay, if that’s not mine, this is probably a bad thing,” Heinz commented as Perry pulled him back a bit. “Wow. You, you’d think I’d be more surprised at a giant monster, but then this _is_ a convention…”

 Perry’s eyes narrowed and he tugged Heinz’s sleeve, pointing to the second floor walkway where Phineas, Ferb, and a gray-haired man seemed to have a projector.

 “Oh-ho-ho! The game’s afoot!” Heinz cackled, racing for the stairs. Perry followed him.

 By the time they got up there, the entire convention was trying to ‘battle’ the monster, which Phineas and Ferb turned off when a Ducky Momo that as probably Candace angrily waved a wand at it.

 “Candace is so brave,” Ferb commented as Phineas and Clyde Addison shut down the machine.

 “And you two are _so busted_ ,” Heinz teased.

 “Uncle Perry! Dr. D! You saw?” Phineas asked.

 Perry told them it as kind of hard to miss and asked why the boys made it.

 “Well…the Stumbleberry Finkbat and Space Adventure fans were kind of…going to war. They didn’t even want me and Ferb to consider ourselves brothers! That, uh, kind of upset Ferb when Albert told him I should be dead to him,” Phineas said as Ferb scowled at the memory.

 “Everyone was fighting over which of my movies was ‘better.’ It was a nightmare!” Clyde agreed.

 “Yeah, everyone was just fighting about _everything_. Even _Vanessa_ couldn’t make them knock it off, and she’s usually amazing at that!” Phineas said. “We told her to just go to her panel and we’d think of something. And we did!”

 “They introduced a giant monster to get everyone on the same side to fight it. Pretty sweet,” Clyde said.

 “So, you created a giant holographic monster to scare the living daylights out of the majority of convention goers to achieve your goal?” Heinz asked.

 “…Pretty much,” Phineas admitted, Ferb nodding with a slightly guilty grin.

 Heinz dropped down and hauled Phineas and Ferb into a big hug. “Oh, those are my _boys_! Great job!”

 “Your kids are something else, gentlemen,” Clyde said. “Boys, look me up when you’re older if you ever need a reference!”

 Perry wrote out that they were always full of surprises, before signing to Phineas and Ferb that such creative problem solving _definitely_ had earned them some sweets from the vending area.

 “Awesome! Maybe we can pick up Vanessa on the way, I think her panel should be over now,” Phineas said as Heinz let him and Ferb go. “And maybe find Candace. I think she’s still on the main floor.”

 Ferb checked over the railing and shook his head, indicating that he didn’t see their sister.

 “Huh. Well, we’ll find her eventually. Only so many full Ducky Momo suits out there, right?” Phineas asked. “Oh, wait, we can’t let on that we know it’s her…no, wait, she unmasked herself in front of the convention after the monster…uh…does that count as still disguised or not?”

 “I have no idea—or maybe I do,” Heinz said, spotting a Ducky Momo standing next to Jeremy Johnson, with an excited Suzie happily hugging the suit.

 “Aww. Well, we shouldn’t spoil Ducky Momo for Suzie,” Phineas said. “Come on! I want to try those Chocolate Nova Cakes!”

.o.o.o.

 “Well, this was a _fun_ day,” Mystery muttered in annoyance as they headed out to Peter’s car. “At least Pinky turned out tolerable.”

 Their junior partner had texted them that he had his own way home and wished them luck. Honestly, Mystery felt working with a teenager could have gone a lot worse.

 Peter noted that they’d also figured out they needed to stop something when Roger hosted the upcoming convention.

 “Yeah, yeah, that too,” Mystery said. “…Come on. Unlock it, let’s go.”

 Peter continued checking his pockets, before signing that his keys were gone.

 “ _What_?” Mystery asked, horrified.

 Peter’s communicator pinged. He signed that Carl had sent a video with the comment that Monogram was upset.

 “Well, play it!” Mystery said, leaning close to see.

 The video was taken from a phone in portrait mode, and they could head Heinz laughing. Perry was in the frame and threw something— _Peter’s keys_ —onto one of the decorative balconies of the convention center, making Heinz cackle even louder.

 “…When he shoved you. Of course,” Mystery growled as Peter silently cursed Perrin Fletcher and Heinz Doofenshmirtz before they set off to try and find the keys before dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, Perry stole Peter's keys as "revenge" for Peter "scaring Pinky." If only he knew...okay, he hates Peter, he'd have done it anyway. 
> 
> Pinky is Isabella's cousin from the Shapiro side and lives with her and her folks. When not agent-ing he attends Danville Community College so he can become a certified IT guy. Or helps Vivian at the restaurant. Isabella also has a Pinky the Chihuahua she named after her cousin, whose agent name was Pinky the Pomeranian until she got the dog and he talked the agency into letting him change it. 
> 
> Candace using the Dressing Roominator set off the inator alert. The entire agency still doesn't know about it, since Mystery and Peter were more concerned with Heinz and Perry. Heinz made the inator for the backup dancers, in case they need to put on/swap costumes in an odd location. They're union, so it's good to provide benefits like that.
> 
> Albert should NOT have told Ferb Phineas is "dead to him." The whole accident with Lawrence and Linda has made that a BAD choice of words regarding family to the kids. He's lucky Ferb didn't kick him.


End file.
